Tom: Bb major
Verse 1
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Here's the weird thing
about Dan Fogelberg's name.
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If you look up the section of the dictionary
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that most closely resemble his name,
like where you would put Fogel
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berg in the dictionary,
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you discover that he would be put
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right between folding and folia.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yes, it's weird. word.
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There are no words in English
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which begin with the letters F -O -L -E.
Also, zero words that begin
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with the letters F -O -L -F.
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And also, no words in English
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that begin with F -O -L -G.
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Why? Why on earth would that be?
Can you imagine all the cool effing words
we could have with those letters?
I've taken this opportunity
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to come up with some examples
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and created definitions
to go with them.
Oxford English Dictionary.
Feel free to include these
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Folemid, F -O -L -E -M -I -D,
a brown ring left around any
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except the anal opening,
e .g., a child's lips after eating brownies,
the human ear canal
after listening to a mud puddle,
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the nose after snorting heroin,
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and so forth. Pholibri,
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f -o -l -e -b -r -a -i -e,
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a late thirteenth -century saint
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said to have hidden transcribed and preserved
segments of the Gnostic Gospels,
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and the Gospel of Mary.
Pholocruts,
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f -o -l -e -k -r -u -t -z,
a critical choice point,
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especially one with lifelong
Foley, F -O -L -E -E,
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a now -extinct raptor of the Andes Mountains,
with yellow and black
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diamond marking around the eyes.
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Follipoi, F -O -L -E -P -O -I,
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a wild and fanciful con ception,
a chimera,
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an illusion self -constructed from grasping,
clutching,
or foolish desire
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Follilof, F -O -L -E -E -L -O -F,
Colloquial,
the soft, down -belly feathers
of the now -extinct foley raptor,
used as a comfortable lining
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in the bras and underwear
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of the Quakopee tribe of the Andes Mountains,
purportedly resulting
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in the extinction of the bird
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in the late 20th century."
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God,
they'd be fuckin' awesome words.
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That's just the tip of the iceberg.
What of the promising F -O -L -F to
English words?
What would that addition bring?
Full hoo -hab, slang,
f -o -l -f -h -u -h -a -a -b,
an undescended testicle
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in the Viking tribes of Denmark
regarded as a designation of
divinity in males.
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Full fridgy, f -o -l -f -r -i -j -j -y,
a nutrient -rich taffy
made from brown sugar and
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prepared by fishermen while
at sea as a dietary supplement.
F -O -L -F -O -O -S -Z -I -A.
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F
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Social upheaval precipitated by
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rigged elections.
Folfmapria.
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F -O -L -F -M -O -P -R -I -A.
A rare syndrome
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which renders its subjects incapable of mak
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ing trivial domestic decisions.
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Such as selecting item
s at grocery stores.
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Should we get six lemons or five lemons?
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Or household fixtures?
You like brown tal or light brown tal?
Folfadus, F -O -L -F -A -U -D -I -S,
the state experienced
after excarnation,
before incarnation,
interim period between lifetimes
in which the soul
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is either recognizing itself as the clear
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immutable light
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or successfully bouncing down
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into the next lifetime
Why is there not yet another
kick -ass letter
to F -O -L?
Prefix beyond me.
Conspiracy?
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Yes. I'm glad you bring it up.
Here's some more.
F -O -L -G -R -U -N. Fulgrun.
s found in Bavaria.
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More generally the Bavarian flora
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from the early Germanic
term for springtime,
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literally, full green.
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Full gibbet, f -o -l -g -h -i -b -i -t,
the sound produced by miniature
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ponies
trotting on cobblestone.
Full green for quizzle,
f -o -l -g -f -r -i -n -q -u -i -z -l -l -e,
a question which can only be
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answered or resolved
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through transrational apprehension,
Fulglad, f -o -l -g -l -a -d,
from the Norwegian fuligladrun,
the rite of passage
whereby an adolescent boy
first achieves an erection
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Fulgsaupippi, the ritual sacrifice
of puppies by vivisection,
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practiced by adherents of Scientology
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G
Ful grabmetits, good balance,
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ability to stabilize the body
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G
in difficult or disorienting
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especially involving nudity
and lubricants."
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Full fuck, my face!
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An expression of disbelief or surprise,
an invitation of genital or oral congress.
It goes on and on,
pregnant with possibility.
remain untouched
by the prefix F -O -L,
F -O -L, uck you very much,
you snobby, elitist,
fancy -pants showboat
who thinks it's too good
for these other letters.
You don't like F?
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Well, av un trying to un your uck head.
I hope you rye and hell uck ace.
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You're too good for E and G.
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tell me how many you're going to have
sex with earls.
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Or maybe you should talk to Odd
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about making up some new,
you snobby, snob pick of old
Oh crap, how's that sound?
You have un with your alphabet
Outro 1
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