Colonel Montmorency,
who was in Calcutta in 92,
emerged from his retirement for the war.
He wasn't very pleased
with all he heard and all he saw,
but whatever he felt,
he tightened his belt and
organized a corps.
Poor Colonel Montmorency thought,
considering all the wars he'd fought,
the Home Guard was his
job to do or die
But after days and weeks and years,
bravely drying his manly tears,
he wrote the following letter
to the Minister of Supply
Could you please oblige us with a Bren gun,
or failing that, a hand grenade will do
We've got some ammunition,
in a rather damp condition
A ma jor house has an ark with us
that was used at Waterloo
With the vicar's tirrapante,
a pitchfork and a spade,
it's rather hard to guard
an aerodrome.
So if you can't ob lige
us with a Bren gun,
the Home Guard might as well go home.
Could you please oblige us
with a Bren gun?
We're getting awfully
tired of drawing lots.
Today we had a shipment
of some curious equipment,
And just for a prank,
they sent us a tank that ties itself in knots.
On Sunday's mock invasion,
Captain Clark was heard to say
He hadn't even got a brush and comb.
So if you can't ob lige
us with a brand gun,
The Home Guard might as well go
home.
Colonel Montmorency planned,
in case the enemy tried to land,
to drive them back with skill
and armoured force.
He realised his army
should be mechanised,
course,
but somewhere inside,
experience cried,
my kingdom for a horse.
Poor Colonel Montmorency tried,
at infinite cost of time and pride,
to tackle his superiors again.
Having just one motorbike,
fourteen swords and a marlin spike,
he wrote the following letter
in the following ur gent train.
Could you please oblige
us with the Bren gun?
We need it very badly, I'm afraid.
Our local crossword solver
has an excellent revolver.
But during a short attack on the fort,
the trigger got misplayed.
In course of operations
planned for Friday afternoon,
our orders are to storm
the Hippodrome.
So if you can't oblige us
with the Bren gun,
the Home Guard might as well go home.
Could you please oblige us
with the Bren gun?
The lack of one is wounding to our pride.
Last night we found the cutest little
German parachutist.
He looked at our kit and giggled
a bit and laughed until he cried.
We'll have to hide that armored car
when marching to Berlin.
We'd all must be ashamed of it in Rome
So if you can't ob lige
us with a brand Gun,
the Home Guard might as well go home