Tom: F major
Intro 1
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F
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Verse 1
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Way back when I was just a
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In the corner of the basement of the house
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Well anyway, back then life was going swell
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and everything was just peachy!
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Ex cept, of course, for the undeniable fact,/ that every single morning
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My mother would make me a big ol' bowl
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Every single morning
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Verse 2
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She just looked at me/ like a cow looks at an oncoming train
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And she leaned right down next to me
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And she said "It's good for you!!"
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And then she tied me to the wall
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And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Verse 3
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Until I was twenty six and a half years old
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That's when I swore that someday
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Someday I would get outta that basement
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and travel to a magical, far away place
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and the air smells like warm root beer
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And the towels are oh so fluffy
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And anyone on the street will gladly
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shave your back for a nickel
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Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Verse 4
Well, let me tell you, people,
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a local radio station had this contest
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To see who could correctly guess the number
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of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
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That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Chorus 1
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Ebsus4
Bb/D
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A- a- a- Albaquer que
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Ebsus4
Bb/D
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A- a- a- Albaquer que
Verse 5
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And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
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With ex cruciatingly severe body odor
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And the little kid in back of me/ kept throwin' up the whole time
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The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper
And the in-flight movie was
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Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah,
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three of the airplane engines burned out
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And the plane exploded in a giant fireball
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Except for me
Chorus 2
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'Cause I had my tray table up
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And my seat back in the full up right position
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Had my tray table up
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And my seat back in the full up right position
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Had my tray table up
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And my seat back in the full up right position
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Ah ha ha ha
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Ah
Verse 6
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for three full days
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Draggin' along my big leather suitcase
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glow-in-the-dark snorkel
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But finally I arrived at the world famous
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Albuquerque Holiday Inn
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Where the towels are oh so fluffy
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right out of the ash trays if you wanna
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It's OK, they're clean
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that little chocolate mint on my pillow
Verse 7
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When suddenly, there's a knock on the door
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Well now, who could that be?
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So, finally I go over and I open the door
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It's some big fat hermaphrodite
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Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
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So anyway, he bursts into my room
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And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
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"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
Verse 8
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Yes indeed, you better be lieve it
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And somehow in the middle of it all,
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the phone got knocked off the hook
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I'll tell you what it said
It said
Chorus 3
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"If you'd like to make a call,
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"If you need help, hang up
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and then dial your opera tor"
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"If you'd like to make a call,
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please hang up and try again"
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"If you need help, hang up
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and then dial your opera tor"
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Ebsus4
Bb/D
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In A- a- a- Albuquer que
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Ebsus4
Bb/D
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A- a- a- Albuquer que
Verse 9
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he got away with my snorkel
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But I made a solemn vow right then and there
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I would not sleep for an instant until/ the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
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But first, I decided to buy some donuts
And he says
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want?"
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I said "You
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Verse 10
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He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
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I said "Well, you got any jelly do nuts?"
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He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
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I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
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He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
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I said "You got any apple fritters?"
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He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
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I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
Solo 1
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F
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"No, we're outta bear claws"
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Verse 11
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I said "Well, in that case,
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in that case, what do you have?"
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He says "All I got right now is this box
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of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
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I said "O K, I'll take that"
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So he hands me the box/ and I open up the lid/ and the weasels jump out
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And they im mediately latch onto my face
Verse 12
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And start bitin' me all o ver
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Oh man, they were just going nuts
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They were tearin' me apart
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You know, I think it was just about that time
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a little something like this
Get 'em off me
Oh
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No, get 'em off, get 'em off
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Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get 'em off me
Verse 13
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I ran out into the street with these
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flesh-eating weasels all over my face
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Like a constipated wiener dog
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Her name was Zelda
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She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and
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hair the color of strained peaches
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That's when I knew it was true love
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We were inseparable after that
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Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
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The world was our bur rito
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So we got married and we bought us a house
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Oh, we were so very very
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very happy, aw yeah
Verse 14
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She said "Sweetie pumpkin?
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Do you wanna join/ the Co lumbia Record Club?"
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I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
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So we broke up and I never saw her again
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But that's just the way things go
Chorus 4
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Ebsus4
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In A- a- a- Albuquer que
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Ebsus4
Bb/D
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F
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A- a- a- Albuquer que
Solo 2
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Verse 15
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I finally achieved my lifelong dream
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a part-time job at The Sizzler
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I even made em ployee of the month after
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I put out that grease fire out with my face
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Aw yeah, everybody was pretty/ jealous of me after that
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Tryin' to carry a big ol' so fa
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"Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
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And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
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"No, I want you to cut off my arms
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and legs with a chainsaw"
So I did
Verse 16
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And then he gets all in dignant on me
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He's like "Hey man, I was just being sar castic"
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I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
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Be sides, now he's got a really cute nickname,
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This guy comes up to me on the street
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And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
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I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
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And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
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on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
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Verse 17
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Man, some people just can't take a joke,
you know?
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Anyway, where was I?
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Kinda lost my train of thought
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Uh, well, uh, OK
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I hate sauerkraut
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That's all I'm really tryin' to say
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And find yourself in an existential quandary
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And wracked with the pain and isolation
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of your pitiful meaningless e xistence
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a small bit of comfort in knowing that
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Somewhere out there in this cra zy
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There's still a little place called
Chorus 5
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Ebsus4
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A- a- a- Albuquer que
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Ebsus4
Bb/D
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A- a- a- Albuquer que
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Albaquer que, Albaquer que,
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Albaquer que, Albaquer que,
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Albaquer que, Albaquer que,
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Albaquer que, Albaquer que
Bridge 1
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I said "A" (A) "L" (L) "B" (B) "U" (U)
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"Querque" (querque)
Outro 1
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque
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Albu- querque
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