Since my date of birth
bought you nothing but hurt
Play those video games,
stole change from ya purse
Sat on the cold court bench 'til I
was arraigned in ya skirt
Saw the pain in ya face,
still you maintained a smirk
All you did was motivate me, "Don't
let 'em hold you back"
What I do? I turned around
and I sold you crack
I was a bastard for that,
still I'm drowning in shame
Just remember one thing now,
you're not to blame
You was newly separated tryin'
to escape ya world
And through my thirst,
I didn't help you, I just made things worse
I hated me and everybody
that created crack
Had me thinkin' the newest
kicks and the latest gat
Still haven't apologized,
so please play this back
While I try to come to terms
with such a heinous act
You know in more than one way
cocaine numbs the brain
All I did was think about how
the funds once came
Then I ran across this memory
and it stung the brain
How can you ever destroy the beauty
from which one came
That's a savage, you're the reason
Why me and these beats make a marriage
Why I rhyme above average
and I ain't shit
Glad you got yourself together,
no thanks to me
Strong and beautiful the way
thangs should be
You must love me
We used to fight every night
but I never would suffer
Just smile, my big brother's
tryna make me tougher
As we grew fussing and fighting continued
As I plundered through ya stuff
and snuck ya clothes to school
Got intense, real intense as we got older
Never believed it would lead to be poppin'
one in your shoulder
Where my rings? Knew you had
it 'cause you took too long
As Mickey, Annie and the girl
that bought it looked on
Huffin' and puffin', gun in my hand,
told you step outside
Hoping you said no but
you hurt my pride
Made our way down the steps
Maybe you thought
it was just a threat
Or maybe ya life was just that crazy
And you was beggin' for death
Try to justify this in my young
mind
But the adrenaline and my ego
hurt combined
Drove me berserk,
saw the devil in your eyes
High off more than weed
Confused, I just closed my young
eyes and squeezed
What a sound! Opened
my eyes just in time
To see ya stumbling to the ground
Damn, what the fuck I done now?
Runnin' around in a circle
thinking I'm assed out
Hot gun burnin' my waist,
ran straight to Jaz' house
Like a stranger,
damn I just shot my nigga
And ran off into the night as if
it was not my nigga
Left the scene,
how could I go out that way?
Still you asked to see me in
the hospital the next day
You must love me
Everything in my power and within my frame
To protect you from this life and keep
you away from the game
But you was one of the few
people that I can trust
And the fact of the matter,
I slang these pies for us
You put the pressure on me daily,
rarely would you let it go
Was a thousand and one times
I had to tell you no
But it was one of those days
when nobody was around
And I needed emergency
trip out of town
Searched my mental Rolodex for all
the numbers I know
As you stared in my face
asking me could you go
I agreed, said, "Send her,
everything'll go smooth
Just tell her what to do and everything'll
go through"
Strapped her body with them thangs
as you boarded the plane
Couldn't explain the strange feeling
that I caught in the vein
I'm thinking, why would I send you when
I knew it ain't right?
I'm thinking, what would make
you sacrifice ya life?
You must've love me
Jay-z 
