They should erect a statue to the guy
Who first thought of hitting
someone with a pie
Call it hokum hok, or what you will
It's sure got a laugh,
and they're laughing still
And nothing sounds quite as glorious
as a life that's real uproarious.
Give them elegant prose,
no cardbone mode,
you'll get notices, but you'll go broke.
If the hero's flustered,
hit him with a custard,
you got ta give the people hope.
Do your best tour jeté
from a classic ballet,
and they'll rush to the lobby in smoke.
Had a tiny pratfall,
and you'll be runnin' that ball,
you gotta give the people hope.
Now the critics may say it's trash,
but trash or not it's a smash,
and the crowds are standing in line,
cause Winchell thinks it's just fine.
Every year at the Met
they go deeper in debt,
you would think that it's
time they awoke.
They don't want Pagliac ci,
give them Liberace,
that would be a masterstroke.
You've gotta give the people,
the ticket -buying people,
you've gotta give the people
Hocum, Hocum,
you've gotta give them Hocum.
We doubt if you get a laugh,
by quoting all the false staff
But you get the loudest guffaws,
by rapping all your in -laws
Though they can't tell you why,
they just laugh till they cry
Go ahead son, take your best shot
Keep it good and corny,
Maine or California
You gotta give the people
the ticket -buy ing people
You gotta give the people hope
Someone's hit with a fish
You can think what you wish
But you'll probably laugh till you choke
You gotta give the people
the ticket -buying people!
You gotta give the people
the tick et -buying people!
you