Tom: F# major
Verse 1
F#
B
F#
C#
Ho ho ho ho
F#
Jesus
Verse 2
B
There ain't nothing more depressing
Gussied up with candy
C#
F#
canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me
up for hours
G#m
G#
"It's Merry Christmas," seeping
F#
Now, I'm no wiccan commie nut
C#
or nothing
F#
But there's one damn holiday
B
F#
that I can't stand
B
F#
It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving,
D#m
or even April Fools
B
C#
But it'll surely make a fool
F#
C#
out of every man
F#
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
Verse 3
B
You know where to stick
F#
B
C#
those jingle bells
F#
C#
If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
F#
C#
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
F#
C#
Joy to the world of Jack and Cokes
F#
If I ain't drunk then it
C#
ain't Christmas
B
'Cause I ain't ever anything
F#
but broke
Verse 4
F#
Now, every year the mall
B
F#
s are just a madhouse
Full of empty pocket
B
F#
s, thoughts and smiles
B
F#
Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
G#
And those colored lights
C#
B
are fucking in fantile
F#
B
I think, we collectively
C#
F#
as a people
Should rise against
B
this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world,
F#
D#m
"Let's buy some peace and quiet for a change
C#
F#
B
C#
on fucking toys"
F#
B
So, if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
Verse 5
You know where to stick
F#
C#
those jingle bells
F#
C#
If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
B
F#
Fa-la-la-la-la, go go go
F#
C#
Joy to the world of getting stoned
F#
If I ain't drunk then it
C#
ain't Christmas
F#
Scrooge the fuck alone
Verse 6
F#
Merry Fucking Christmas
Hi, Simon
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