Isn't it surprising, honey, isn't it a thrill
That I guess I never liked you
and I hope I al ways will
And that ever since I met you
everything's been just the same
Just to cultivate indifference
was your single -minded aim
Those were days you thought
would last the rest of your nights long
Till you found out just what
and who were wrong
Better you know now than then
Long after it's all sucked
The food chain carries on
It knows not first who's
knickers dropped
Sitting on the bathroom floor
We picnictate our taint
Hop ing no one would disturb
Our flushing whilst we ate
When you think, I said,
wouldn't it be really, oh, so very nice
If we could have some more stewed prunes
to eat with our creamed rice
And you said if we threw them up,
then we could eat them twice
Who's a mashed
potato now?
Bigger and still bigger
grew the out posts of your land
Helped by open mouth
and loaded hand
First your neck and then
your navel dis appeared
Till polysaturated fat
obscured the most of you
They're the most amazing things
that there have ever been
But more than that,
one person cannot have and still be seen
You know the Club of Rome
predicts disaster after 94
But they don't know that you're still growing
more and more and more and more
And who's a mashed
potato now?
No death bed was big enough
for you to get some rest
And you at once told me
round glass was best
Still you gave me what I had
Not knowing what you've got
So I could have the last laugh yet
Though you might see me not
Who's a chipolata?
Who's a cottage pie?
Who's a Christmas
blackwell wrapper?
Who's a cool bird's eye?
You know the contents
settle after packing
Could that just be why?
Because your weight is uncontrolled
Your volume's got so high
And who's a mashed potato now?
Kiss that hot water,
who's a mashed potato now?