Tom: G major•
Verse 1
G
D
G
I
always have been handy,
Am
I did a bit of do it myself
G
D
Until it knackered my eyesight and
Then a geezer popped his napper,
G
D
"Good day", he said "My name is Ted
G
Can I be of any help at all?"
Verse 2
Em
Bm
Well I should have said, "No ta,
But instead I told 'im all
A
D
my little jobs
C
Bm
An' now he's round my house
D
A
D
as soon as I walk out my door
G
Rippin' my missuses drawer's out
and banging on the bedroom floor
Verse 3
G
Am
Bm
He's Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead,
G
Bm
C
the randy handy man
D
He walks in when I walk out
G
And does a bloody sight better
G
When a lady says "I'm desperate
Am
D
An' only your spanner will do"
G
Bm
Old Ted he seems to understand
C
G
Bm
He bolts 'round at their command
G
Am
G
With his nuts held tightly in his hand
C
D
Rub rub, hammer hammer,
G
bang, screw
Interlude 1
G
Verse 4
G
Where does he get the energy?
Am
How can he manage it all?
D
He flashes all around the chimney
Bm
G
He hammers up and down the hall
If a lady's got a problem
Am
That's been troubling her all day
A
D
An expert prod with his
G
dyno- rod
D
G
And the problem goes away
Em
Bm
Mi- ssis Brown she called him
on the phone
Em
"Oh please come round my
A
D
husbands not at home..."
Am
He re- arranged her portico
D
Am
Bm
G
And banged her beam all day
Stripping her chimney breast out
And sticking in his R.S.J.
Verse 5
G
Am
Bm
He's Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead,
C
Bm
the randy handy- man
C
D
No job too big, no job too small
G
He'll be there whenever he can
Am
And if a damsel in distress
G
D
says "What am I to do?"
G
Am
Bm
He services her every need
C
G
Am
Bm
With charm, discretion, tact and speed
G
Am
Bm
And satisfaction guaranteed
C
D
G
Rub rub, hammer hammer, bang, screw
Verse 6
Em
Look at that easy action!
Look at that grace and style!
As a general rule his expert tool
Makes all the ladies smile
He's pulling out his plunger
And pumping fit to burst
In the capable hands of
Toolbag Ted
D
Am
Bm
D
Verse 7
C
D
G
A
This merry Merseysider is always
D
The ladies ring his number and this
Some husbands do not like it when he
Am
does what he does best
D
Bm
But most let him get on with it,
D
G
they're grateful for the rest
Bm
when an ex pert comes to call
Em
And sorts out your old boiler and
Am
A
D
doesn't charge at all?
C
D
Am
G
And in her darkest corners he
Am
D
G
will make a final stand
Halfway up her skirting with his
stopcock in his hand
Am
G
D
Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead, the
Verse 8
Am
Bm
C
randy handy- man
D
A knight in shining overalls
G
He'll be there whenever he can
Bm
Em
G
He never leaves a job half done
Am
G
and always sees it through
Bm
A set of drawers might need a knob
C
G
Am
Bm
A whatsit need a thingummy bob
G
Am
Bm
In fact he's always on the job
C
D
G
Rub rub, hammer hammer, bang,
Outro 1
screw
G
Am
D
Bm
G
C
D
G
Am
Bm
C
D
G
Am
Bm
G
C
D
G
Am
Bm
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