Tom: F# major
Intro 1
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Verse 1
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are in bed now, of course
The city fathers they're trying
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to endorse
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The reincarnation of Paul Revere's horse
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But the town has no need to be nervous
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Verse 2
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she hands down her wits
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To Jezebel the nun, she violently knits
A bald wig for Jack the ripper,
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who sits
Chorus 1
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I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
Solo 1
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Verse 3
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The hysterical bride in the penny arcade
Screaming, she moans,
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"I've just been made"
Then sends out for the doctor,
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who pulls down the shade
And says, my advice
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is to not let the boys in
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Verse 4
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and he shuffles inside
He walks with a swagger,
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and he says to the bride
"Stop all this weeping,
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swallow your pride
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You will not die, it's not poison"
Chorus 2
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I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
Solo 2
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Verse 5
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after torturing a thief
Looks up at his hero,
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the Commander-in-Chief
Saying, "Tell me, great hero,
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but please, make it brief
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Is there a hole for me to get sick in?"
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Verse 6
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The Commander-in-Chief answers him
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while chasing a fly
Saying, "Death to all those
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who would whimper and cry"
And dropping a barbell,
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he points to the sky
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Saying, "The sun's not yellow, it's chicken"
Chorus 3
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I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
Solo 3
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Verse 7
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his soldiers to save
Puts jawbones on their tombstones
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and flatters their graves
Puts the pied pipers in prison
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and fattens the slaves
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Then sends them out to the jungle
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Verse 8
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Gypsy Davey, with a blowtorch,
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he burns out their camps
With his faithful slave, Pedro,
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behind him, he tramps
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With a fantastic collections of stamps
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To win friends and influence his uncle
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Chorus 4
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I'm in trouble with the tombstone
Solo 4
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(blues)
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Verse 9
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flesh on the bone
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Causes Galileo’s math book to get thrown
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At Delilah who's sitting worthlessly alone
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But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
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Verse 10
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Brother Bill his great thrill
I would set him in chains
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at the top of the hill
Then send out for some pillars
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and Cecil B. DeMille
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He could die happily ever after
Chorus 5
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I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
Solo 5
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Verse 11
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once unwrapped their bedroll
Tuba players now rehearse
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around the flagpole
And the National Bank, at a profit,
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sells road maps for the soul
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To the old folks home and the college
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Verse 12
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a melody so plain
That could hold you, dear lady,
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from going insane
That could ease you, and cool you,
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and cease the pain
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Of your useless and pointless knowledge
Chorus 6
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I'm in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
Outro 1
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Alright!
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[Fade out]
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