Well, I guess it was back in 63 when eating
my cooking got the better of me, so I asked
this little girl I was going
with to be my wife.
Well, she said she would, so I said I'd do,
but I'd have said I wouldn't if I'd have just
knew how saying I'd do was gonna
screw up all of my life.
Well, the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when
I send her the child support
Well, it wasn't too long
till the lust all died
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my
suitcase sittin' out on the porch
Well, I tried to get in,
she changed the lock
Then I found this note taped
on the mailbox
That said,
Goodbye
Turkey, my tourney will be in touch
So I decided right then and there,
I'm gonna do what's right, give her her fair share
But brother, I didn't know her share
was gonna be that much
She got the gold mine, I got the share
They split it right down the middle,
and then they give her the better half
Well it all sounds sort of funny,
but it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine, I got the share
Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Why they give her the color television set
Then they give her the house,
the kids, and both of the cars
See?
Well then they start talkin' about child support,
alimony, and the cost of the court
It didn't take me long to figure out
how far in the toilet I was
I'm tellin' ya,
they have made a mistake
Cause it adds up to more
than this cowboy
makes
Besides,
everything I ever had worth takin'
they've already took
While she's livin' like a queen on alimony I'm workin' two shifts,
eatin' bologna
Askin' myself,
why didn't you just learn how to cook?
They give her the goldmine,
got the goldmine
They give me the shag, I got the shag
They said they're splittin'
it all down the middle
But she got the better half
Well, it all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the goldmine,
I got the shag
Well, she got to go mad, I got to be sad
They split it all down the middle
And didn't give her the better hand
Well, I guess it all sounds funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine
I got the shag
Hey,
Kevin
I got the shag
But I don't have to worry about
tolling the bill anymore
I'll let my wife told ya
that I'm gonna be carrying food stamps
You get it,
Judge?
I'm gonna be...
That's not funny, huh?
Have some time to contempt the court.
What do you mean
I'm...
Listen,
Judge, I'm just kidding.
I mean, you can't get blood out of a...