Tom: E major
Verse 1
D
Well, I guess it was back in 63 when eating
my cooking got the better of me, so I asked
this little girl I was going
with to be my wife.
G
D
Well, she said she would, so I said I'd do,
but I'd have said I wouldn't if I'd have just
knew how saying I'd do was gonna
G
D
G
screw up all of my life.
D
Well, the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when
G
I send her the child support
till the lust all died
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my
suitcase sittin' out on the porch
G
D
Well, I tried to get in,
Then I found this note taped
on the mailbox
That said,
D
Goodbye
A
D
G
Turkey, my tourney will be in touch
D
So I decided right then and there,
G
I'm gonna do what's right, give her her fair share
D
But brother, I didn't know her share
was gonna be that much
G
D
She got the gold mine, I got the share
G
They split it right down the middle,
A
and then they give her the better half
G
D
Well it all sounds sort of funny,
G
but it hurts too much to laugh
D
A
D
She got the gold mine, I got the share
Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Why they give her the color television set
Then they give her the house,
the kids, and both of the cars
G
See?
D
Well then they start talkin' about child support,
alimony, and the cost of the court
It didn't take me long to figure out
A
D
G
how far in the toilet I was
they have made a mistake
than this cowboy
makes
D
A
everything I ever had worth takin'
G
D
G
While she's livin' like a queen on alimony I'm workin' two shifts,
eatin' bologna
D
why didn't you just learn how to cook?
G
They give her the goldmine,
got the goldmine
D
They give me the shag, I got the shag
G
They said they're splittin'
it all down the middle
A
But she got the better half
D
Well, it all sounds mighty funny
G
But it hurts too much to laugh
A
D
G
D
G
I got the shag
A
D
G
D
G
A
D
G
D
Well, she got to go mad, I got to be sad
G
They split it all down the middle
A
And didn't give her the better hand
D
Well, I guess it all sounds funny
G
But it hurts too much to laugh
A
D
I got the shag
A
Hey,
Kevin
D
A
I got the shag
D
But I don't have to worry about
G
A
tolling the bill anymore
A
that I'm gonna be carrying food stamps
You get it,
D
Judge?
A
Have some time to contempt the court.
What do you mean
I'm...
D
Listen,
Judge, I'm just kidding.
A
I mean, you can't get blood out of a...
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