PHONE RINGS
Welcome to the phone -in.
Today we have on our panel
our resident psychiatrist,
a psychiatrist
who isn't resident
but is staying with the other one
because he can't bear to go home,
and a psychiatrist
who has lived with the first one
but who, when the second one arrived,
felt alienated
and since has undergone a total personality
change.
Our subject tonight is farming,
and our first caller is
from Reading.
Hello? Hello,
welcome to phone -in.
What's your question to the panel?
You're through now.
Hello? Hello?
Hello there, this is Phone In.
What is your question?
Vic there?
Is Vic there?
Is Vic there, Dr Rogers?
Well, the problem here
is a simple one.
The caller wants to know if Vic
is there.
And in this case, Vic,
as far as I can tell...
Haven't you been here, Alan?
Yes, of course.
I agree with what Rogers was
going to say.
As far as we can tell,
Vic isn't here.
The only thing she can do is to keep calling,
and if Vic comes in, we'll let her know.
Does that answer your question?
Hello? Hello? Vic? Yeah?
Good evening, sir.
Welcome to Phone In.
What's your question?
It's Norman.
Hello, Norman.
Norman, welcome to the show.
What's your question on farming?
Has he been round again?
Has he been round
again, Professor Rogers?
Well, I... Oh,
no! Professor Debs?
But he's been phoning me up!
I think we've proved
that Vic isn't here.
Bloody kill him!
And therefore, he couldn't have
come round again.
It's a fairly simple case of non -presence.
Thank you, Norman.
I hope that answers your
question.
I'll go round there and kill him.
Is he down at pub?
I'm sorry, Norman,
only one question per caller.
And now we move on to our next caller,
please, on farming.
Hello. My name is Mummy
Badger.
Get on with the question.
Yes, I farm over 4 ,000 acres,
and I'd like to know the panel's attitude
to the viability of cereal production in
the EEC.
I'm sorry, we only want questions
about farming.
Next caller, please.
Hello?
Hello, it's Mr. Gannett
from Dorchester,
isn't it?
Uh, no, he's dead.
Oh, dear.
Uh, but he left me his question in his will.
Oh, dear.
Well, how sad, but let's hear the question.
Uh, uh, unfortunately,
one of the conditions of the will
is that I myself should not reveal
the question.
Oh, dear.
Well, can someone else reveal it?
Yes. He left provision...
I'm sorry,
we're running out of time.
Yes, he left provision in the will
that his wife should be able to reveal the question in
certain circumstances.
Is she there?
Er, yes.
Well, perhaps she could read the question on
farming, please.
Er, well, she's here,
but she's not very well.
Well, is she well enough
to read the question?
Er, no, I wouldn't think so.
Well, is there anyone there
who can read the
late Mr. Gannett's question?
Only if the executors of the will
were to agree on a revocation of the clause
by applying for a co -decision.
Well, I'm afraid we must leave
that question there.
It could be rushed through
in about two months.
Well, I'm afraid, I'm sorry,
that's all we've got time for.
Monty Python 
