Hey, what's happenin'?
Hey, what's shakin'?
How's your old lady?
Oh, she's fine.
You know, a little hemorrhoidal problem down there,
but you know how it is.
What's the worst happening?
Nothing much, except I had a weird
experience the other night.
Is that right?
Yeah, you see, I was walking along,
you know, minding my own.
Yeah.
I looked out to my right and
I saw this strange light.
A light?
That's right.
So anyway, what happened was it got me
thinking about this poem I read once.
A poem, huh?
Yeah, a poem.
It's like
Late last night in search of light
I watched a ball of fire
You don't mind if I do this for you,
do you, man?
No, man, I was only putting you on.
It's your record,
you know what I mean?
Carry on, do whatever you want.
Well, all right!
Late last night
In search of light
I watched a ball of fire streak
across the midnight sky
I watched it glow, then grow, then shrink,
then sink into the silhouette of morning
As I watched it die
You know what I said to myself? I said,
Hey, I got a lot in common with that light
Well that's right, you see
I'm alive with a fire in my life
The streak's crossed my span of time
and is seen by those who lift their
eyes in search of life
to help them through the long, dark night.
Hey, you know, that's all right.
Well, thanks, man.
It's just a poem I learned
a long time ago.
It's still all right.
But tell me something.
What happened?
Well, you see, that wasn't the funny thing
that happened to me.
You see, the funny thing that
happened to was that
well, it got me thinking about
this man I met a few years back
in this bar, sort of, and he, um
well, he told me this sort of a strange,
um, you know, flying saucer story
Flying saucers, huh?
Yeah, you see, one night
he was walking along, minding his own
looked off to his right and he
saw this strange light, too
A light, right?
So anyway...
He started off to investigate this light off to his right,
right?
Right.
He got about halfway
across this field
and realized what he was doing, you know?
I mean...
I mean, after all,
there he was in the middle of a field,
in the middle of the night,
investigating this weird light
off to his right, right?
Right.
So what happened?
Well, to make a long story short,
you know, short of, uh, he's split.
What do mean he's split?
Yeah, you know, just, uh, geez.
All right, so what happened with you?
Well, I got thinking about this guy and the story,
you know, and the calm and everything, you know.
Yeah.
Well, so I split the two, you understand?
You split?
Yeah, split.
Split?
Split.
S -P -L -I -T.
Shit.
Well, I got to split now myself, see.
Listen, I hope your wife's into watching my
colors get better real fast and all that.
Hey, wait a wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait a minute for what, man?
What do think you're doing?
You turning into
Crusades or something?
That's the dumbest story
I ever heard in my life.
What you mean?
Listen, I'm telling you the truth.
That's nice, you know, but, uh...
Did you ever hear the one about
the guy with the wooden eye?
Hey, now, don't do that to me,
man. I mean...
Well, let me put it this way.
Listen, shit, you know something?
You crazy.
You know that?
Well, hey, don't you call me crazy, man.
Let me ask you something.
What would you have done, man?
What to begin with? I wouldn't have told this story,
you understand?
Last season, if you'd have said what happened to me,
you know what I mean?
Hey, listen, man, don't be some asshole
You tryin' to pull my...
Hey, you call me an asshole?
No, no, I'm just sayin' you're an asshole,
you understand?
Hey, you got...
All right, all right, all right,
let's clean up this language
Let's clean it up, come on
Either you clean up this language
or you get out of this place
Hey, man, man, call me an asshole
All right, that's enough of those words
Now either you talk clean
or you get out of here
I'm still sayin', uh, it's not me
It's just that you are an asshole,
you understand?
Hey, you know something?
You know what's gonna happen
to you?
Now listen, don't you raise that glass,
Hey, you know what I could do
to you if I wanted to get...
Hey, you're gonna make me angry in a minute,
yeah, I'm just trying to talk to you
You asked me, you said, how you doing,
I said, okay
You asked me how my lady was,
I told you, you said, what's new
I'm telling you a story about what
happened to me the other night
I was really walking along,
I really looked off to my right
I really did see a light off in the middle
of the night off to my right
I really did tell you everything and that's right,
you understand?
All right, all right, all right,
all right, I gotta go now
God damn, man,
what are you doing to me, man?
You're making me look like a fool
Well, uh, that's easy,
all you have to do is look in your own mirror
Hey, man
All right, watch your language
Hey, man, didn't you hear me
singing a while ago?
Uh, hey, let me ask you guys something
Are you a group or anything?
Group?
Well, I heard you singing before
I thought maybe he's a group, you know
Hey, hey, why don't you just get, hey, you serve the drinks,
you know, you wipe them glasses, leave us alone.
Hey, you know what?
Let's go to some other bar.
Well, all right.
You
Harry Nilsson 
