Tom: D# minor•
Verse 1
Eb
Alright, I'm going to sing you some songs.
Who wants to hear some songs?
The first song I'm going sing tonight
Db
is about a buddy of mine
Eb
who's got a herpy in his eye.
It's called Looking for Love
Db
in All the Wrong Places.
Eb
I hope you enjoy this.
It's off my new album,
Eb
and I Caught the Clap.
Gb
I hope you enjoy the song here.
Abm
Oh, my exes have in fections.
Eb
Abm
That's a true story.
Db
Abm
Let me do something.
That's on my album
called Save a Whore,
Eb
I don't know if you've seen that or not.
Db
My buddies Big and Rich
Abm
Cb
did something on that as well.
Abm
You know what I'm going to stop doing?
Eb
Db
Buying off -brands.
Eb
Some of them rip you off.
You know the Blackberries?
I want to say, I bought a Dingleberry.
the other day,
Gb
don't do, piece of crack.
Eb
There's a new movie coming out soon
about an Indian prostitute that
Db
finds religion.
I'm writing a soundtrack to it.
It's called the Squawskank
Redemption.
It'll be out soon.
Eb
C
I hope you enjoyed this song.
D#
It's called A Sioux Named Boy.
F#
B
C#
All right, here we go.
D#
Here's a little love song
C#
G#m
I'd like to sing for you.
C#
You know what pisses me off?
All right.
D#
I know I'll get back to something.
This is irritating the hell out of me.
It's been bugging me for weeks.
Kim Jong Il, North Korea, that little son.
You know what?
He like, we got nuclear weapons.
We will use nuclear weapons.
You know what? Good luck.
Kim Jong finding somebody tall enough
to reach the button over there in that country, all right,
C#
D#
that's what I do.
B
F#
That's what do.
D#
I hope they don't get phone books.
F#
G#m
Hey, when Martha Stewart was in prison,
she got an Emmy.
You believe that? In prison.
D#
And I'm like, big deal, I got a buddy in prison,
got a Tony and a Steve.
Hope you like this.
This is for y 'all ladies.
It's a song about PMS.
I come up with a while back
and you're gonna enjoy it.
It's an old ragtime tune
that I thought up.
That's right.
C#
Hopefully it'll go cotton
if it's ever released
D#
C#
because it is the best song
you'll hear about it period.
D#
F#
I guarantee you that.
C#
There's a political crack guy
D#
He goes, he's all pissed.
C#
He said, you only make fun of things
that you don't understand.
F#
B
He said, hogwash, if that's true,
D#
my whole show will be about algebra.
C#
B
F#
They say when
G#m
C#
a female teacher
has sex with a student,
G#m
it's abuse. I say, it's pretty damn lucky.
All right, that's what I
D#
say, that's what I say.
G#m
There's this gynecology
clinic
C#
G#m
D#
that just opened up down from my house, which is fine,
G#m
F#
B
but I think it's wrong to have a sign up that says, the grand opening.
D#
Hey, you know that song,
50 ways to leave your lover?
Remember that song?
I got more ways.
G#m
Put it in the wrong crack, Jack.
D#
Roll her over, Grover.
G#m
Tell her you're gay, Ray.
F#
I gotta care for the bird flu.
BB guns and bird feeders.
Either that or don't screw a parrot.
Because if you do, he'll tell
F#
the neighbors.
F#
to get your porno name,
you take the street
you lived on
and the first pet and you put it together,
C#
you get names like Shadow
Biscayne and stuff?
B
It don't always work that way.
My porno name is Snowball
F#
B
F#
810 14th Street.
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