Tom: Eb major
Intro 1
Eb
Cm
Eb
Cm
Eb
Cm
Eb
Ab
Cm
Verse 1
Cm
All the seats at the Sunday masses
Eb
Filled with the masses' massive
asses
Eb
Classes pass as fast as molasses
Ab
Eb
Ceremonial reading glasses
Cm
Read a little bit of Leviticus
Eb
All the kids are a little too little for this
Eb
Eb
All the parents nod in agreement
Ab
Eb
I think I can vaguely see what He meant
Cm
Ab
Cm
It's too early in the morning, glory
Eb
To read another allegory story
The father reads a little bit farther
Eb
Ab
Assuring the assured that they
When God, in verse forty-five
Eb
Said Said that slaves are okay to buy
F
Eb
He meant that people all from the start
Ab
Each have 'slaves' within their
Eb
hearts
Cm
Things that we have sold or bought
Eb
That are forced to pick our
moral cotton
Eb
God calls us to set these free
Ab
Eb
Free our hearts from slavery
Cm
And then as God goes on to explain
Eb
The logistics of buying and
selling slaves
Ab
Eb
Uh, he, the bible's sorta like uh,
there's like, typos
Cm
In the back, I sit and I nod
Eb
To the beats that are bumping
from my iPod
Eb
My God they're starting to pray
Ab
Eb
Cm
And over the music I can hear them say
Dear God, dear Lord,
Eb
dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword
Cm
Dear good all seeing being
Eb
My way or the highway Yahweh
Cm
Eb
Cm
The blue balled anti-masturbator
Eb
The great all-loving faggot faggot hater
I'd like to thank your holy might
Ab
Eb
For making me both rich and white
Cm
And though this is your day of rest
Eb
I come to you with one request
There's so much pain
Ab
Eb
Wars and drugs and homeless people
Cm
Sadness where there should be joy
Eb
Hate and rape and Soulja Boy
F
Eb
A world in darkness needs your light
Ab
So I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight
Cm
But my dog just had surgery
Eb
If you could fix that first?
Eb
Ab
Jeses
Verse 2
Messing's fingers
Eb
Hail Mary full of Grace
Eb
Ab
Eb
Cm
Obama could you pass
some hope to the Pope
who wanna elope
See the church said nope
Cm
so the bros can't cope
Ab
The bros can grope but the
Cm
They've been in love and
they've been addicted
Eb
Who said they shouldn't,
Benedict did
'Cause in the holy land of the Lord
He's the holy landlord
And dicks are evicted
'Cause you can be a Benedict
Cm
Eb
If you've been a dick
under Benedict
F
Eb
But you can't have Benedicts
Ab
Because there's only one pope
Cm
Eb
Cm
What, yeah, a dick on a pope is
Eb
Just like a soap on a rope
'Cause it's pointless,
Throw up your bibles,
Christ has risen
Hallelujah, now it's raining men
Cm
Eb
Because the gender ratio
Eb
Winos at the Eucharist station,
Ab
trans-gendered-substantiation
Eb
Cm
Jesus Je sus Jesus
wasn't the Messiah
Eb
Get back I'm a heretic and I'm on fire
Eb
It was Oedipus those holy nights
Ab
The holy motherfucking christ
Eb
Cm
I'm a blasphemah
Post-Katrina
On a crusade to cruise aids
You're too late,
Eb
we're fucked we don't need ya
Verse 3
Amen, in the name of the father,
son and holy ghost
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Ab
Eb
Turn up your nose, strike that pose
Outro 1
Hey Macarena
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