Tom: Ab major
Verse 1
She's a good woman.
I do things for her.
if I shaved a little heart
out of the hair above my pecker.
Ab
Well, let me tell you how
this happened.
I was in Wisconsin in a hotel
room
and it was snowing outside
and I was in the bathtub
all lathered up down there be
Ab
cause it feels good.
Ab
And I was trying to make his heart with a
razor
and from this angle,
it looked more like a liver,
so I just shaved it all off.
And at this point,
I looked like a little kid with a big dick.
It was wrong.
And I gotta tell you,
if you think that thing is ugly with hair on it,
Gb
woo, you take the hair off of it,
out of its shell down there.
I didn't know this,
but you got this,
guys have this fat
on both sides down there.
I was looking in the mirror going,
Oh, shit, I'm fat down there.
I got pussy lips. I got pussy lips.
I was trying to make a toupee
out of the hair I shaved
off.
I'm sorry, little fella.
Oh, my, I got home four days later,
I had forgotten what I had done.
I came out of the shower,
my wife walked in and went,
what the hell did you do?
I went, oh, shit.
I didn't know what to tell
her.
I was embarrassed.
Then she came over and she felt them.
She says, I like them.
They're smooth.
Helicopter,
Helicopter, helicopter, helicopter.
You boys have all done the helicopter.
it's a little longer than normal.
you're looking in the mirror,
ain't nobody home.
Look at that big motherfucker.
Helicopter, helicopter,
helicopter,
helicopter.
helicopter
because when a man is alone
he's got the biggest dick on the planet
I ain't got a big dick you know why we
Gb
Ab
do the helicopter girls because we can
that's why what kind
of tricks can you do
what is this washing the window
what the fuck is this
I gotta ask you fellas have you ever
or tuck your pecker down
in between your legs
Eb
Ab
to see what you look like with a puss.
Look, I got a puss.
Abm
Sometimes I'll sit in the bathtub,
and get horny looking at my puss.
And the reason you're laughing
is because you've all
done it.
Now the problem with shaving your puss
is when it grows back,
Gb
Ab
when you shave whatever it is
you got down there,
when it grows back
it itches like crazy.
Sandpaper cannot cure this itch.
The only way to fix it is keep
shaving.
My wife told me after about three or four weeks,
if you're going to keep shaving
Gb
your nuts
it doesn't grow back as fast.
Well, this is a shitty idea,
and I know because I did it.
From the advice of the
Almighty, my wife,
I was in our bedroom
sitting on the big fluffy chair
with my tennis shoes on
for some damn reason and nothing else,
and my wife was in the bed
reading a magazine,
facing me, giggling,
because I was putting air on my nut sack
with a cake spatula.
It does not come with an applicator.
I told her, I said, what are you laughing at?
If the kids walk in,
I'm in some serious shit here.
This is your idea,
Gb
Ab
how long do I leave it on there?
She said,
no longer than ten minutes.
my shit's a little more coarse.
I need a little extra treatment.
Well, this was bad idea number two.
This beat the shit out of bad
Eb
idea number one.
Ab
body.
Water hits hair, hair falls off,
goes down drain.
Water hits nuts, nuts fell off,
went down drain.
Holy shit, it burnt for three days
like a midget was following me
around with a tiki torch.
Get the fuck away from me!
that damn stupid,
you can't tell your friends.
What'd you do? Nothing.
I'm just getting old.
Leave me alone, fucker.
You tell them you put an air on your nutsack,
you're gonna be drinking by yourself
for a long time.
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AfinadorE A D G B E
AcordesAbm Ab Db Gb Eb
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