Tom: A major
Verse 1
G
It's been one week since we
got to see
C
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
G
Five days since they had the show
C
G
With the hermaphrodite,
C
the slut and the crack ho
G
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his wo
G
Yesterday it occurred to me
C
G
That I've been watchin' a bit
Verse 2
G
Holy cow, did you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker- punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became
a total free- for- all?
And Jerry's in the middle
tryin' to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry's next guest
And it's a slugfest
'Cause it's her trailer trash
Verse 3
brother
G
Nymphomaniac is back on crack,
it's like When Animals Attack
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent they
Verse 4
have to sign a waiver
G
They're always swearin', cursin',
D
G
kickin' butt and pointin' blame
C
On the air? They don't care,
they've got no shame
G
There was one guy who I'm
D
G
sure felt a little strange
C
When he found out that his
wife had a sex change
G
D
They have a tendency to scream
ripping off their shirts
Verse 5
since they had the fight
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got
G
It's been three days since the bitter feud
C
G
Between the KKK and that gay
G
Yesterday, it finally dawned on me
C
G
C
I'm spendin' way too much time
Verse 6
G
Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
Oh, which one? All of 'em
Ah, well, I've been sleepin'
with your best friend Jake
Yeah? Well, me too, and,
I've been sleepin' with your dog Woofie
Woofie, you bi- , well I'm also
sleepin' with your pet goat
Verse 7
That goat doesn't love you
there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down,
then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation
He's a sensation,
he puts the sin in syndication
It's totally worthless, like a bad check
It's like a train wreck
Don't want to stare, but
you can't look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
Verse 8
The ratings jumpin' higher every day
G
If you've seen the show, well
then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're
lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon comes
in the room and then it's boom
In the face of some
Verse 9
unsuspecting drag queen
G
Well, it's the kind of show where
D
G
people scream obscenities
C
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs
G
Jerry, Jerry,
now the crowd starts their favorite chant
C
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't
G
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
C
I have a history of taping each one
Verse 10
G
It's been one week since the
G
C
Psycho killers with problems
Five days since the big surprise
C
G
C
When some losers wife said that she's
Three days since he interviewed
C
G
A bunch of psychic porn star mid
G
Yesterday, it occurred to me
C
G
That I've been watchin' a bit
Verse 11
on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class
to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger
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