Lately I really feel like
I'm rolling for delf like Philly
Feel like I'm losing control
of myself, I sincerely
Apologize if all that I sound
like is I'm complaining
But life keeps on complicating,
and I'm debating
On leaving this world this evening
Even my girls can see I'm grievin'
I try and hide it but I can't
Why do I act like I'm all high and mighty
When inside I'm dying
I am finally realizing I need help
Can't do it myself, too weak
Two weeks I've been having ups and downs
Going through peaks and valleys
Dilly-dallying 'round with the idea
of ending the shit right here
I'm hatin' my reflection
I walk around the house tryna fight mirrors
I can't stand what I look like, yeah
I look fat, but what do I care?
I give a fuck
Only thing I fear is Hailie
I'm afraid if I close my eyes
I lock myself in the bedroom,
bathroom, nappin' at noon
Yeah, dad's in a bad mood,
he's always snappin' at you
Marshall, what happened
that you can't stop with these pills?
And you falling off with your skills?
And your own fans are laughin' at you?
It become a problem
You're too pussy to tackle, get up
Be a man, stand
A real man would've had this shit handled
Know you just had your heart
ripped out and crushed
They say Proof just flipped out,
homie just whipped out and bust
Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that
He wouldn't fuckin' shoot
at nobody, he'd fight first
But dwellin' on it only makes the night worse
Now I'm popping Vics,
Percs and Methadone pills
"Yeah, Em, tight verse. You killed it"
Fuckin' drug dealers hang
around me like yes men
And they gon' do whatever
I says when I says it
It's in their best interest
to protect their investment
And I just lost my fuckin' best friend
(So, fuck it, I guess then)
I'm going through changes
(Don't know what I'm gonna...)
I'm going through changes (through changes)
My friends can't understand this new me
That's understandable, man,
but think how bananas you'd be
You'd be an animal too, if you were trapped
in this fame and caged in it like a zoo
And everybody's lookin' at you
What you want me to do?
I'm startin' to live like a recluse
And the truth is
fame's startin' to give me an excuse
To be at a all-time low
I sit alone in my home theater
watchin' the same damn DVD of the first tour
The last tour he was still alive
And it hurts
So, I fast forward
Sleepin' pills will make me feel alright
And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night
I'll just take a couple more
Yeah, you're motherfuckin' right
I ain't slowin' down for no one,
I am almost homeward bound
Almost in a coma
Yeah, homie, come on dole 'em out
"Daddy, don't you die on me.
Daddy, better hold your ground."
Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice?
(Yeah, baby
Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes,
but somehow I'm pullin' through
Swear when I come back I'mma be bulletproof
I'mma do it just for Proof
I think I should state a few
Facts, 'cause I may not get
a chance again to say the truth
Shit, it just hit me that what if
I would not've made it through?
I think about the things
I would've never got to say to you
I'd never get to make it right
So, here's what I came to do
Hailie, this one is for you,
Whitney and Alaina, too
I still love your mother, that'll never change
Think about her every day
We just could never get it together
Hey, wish there was a better way
for me to say it
But I swear on everything:
I'd do anything for her on any day
There are just too many things to explain
When it rains, guess it pours
Yes, it does
Wish there wasn't any pain
But I can't pretend there ain't
I ain't placin' any blame
I ain't pointin' fingers
Heaven knows I've never been a saint
I know that it feels
like we just pissed away our history
And just today I looked
at your picture, almost if to say
"I miss you" subconsciously.
Wish it didn't end this way"
But I just had to get away
Don't know why