Tom: Ab major•
Verse 1
Ab
I was in San Francisco, California.
This is weird.
You know what they
got in San Francisco?
A gay mafia.
What? A gay mafia.
What the hell?
Let me ask you something.
If you're in a gay mafia
and you get whacked,
is that good or bad?
All right.
What the hell?
Say hello to my little friend.
Where the hell'd that come from?
All right.
Db
I was in Los Angeles, California
Ab
Db
an d I enjoyed going out there,
Ab
but there was a magazine out there
Ab
said 50 is the new 40.
You ever seen that article?
50 is the new 40
and then there's another one
said 30 is the new 20.
I sent it to my cousin.
Hopefully he can convince the judge
that 16 is the new 21.
All right, but I did.
I've seen Hugh Hefner.
What's Hugh Hefner?
About 80 -something, 90 years old.
He's old, I know that, all right.
He's walking down the street
with a Playboy bunny under
each arm in L .A.
I swear, I thought they was filming
Weekend at Bernie's 3
when I seen him go down there.
Good Lord, I feel sorry for him.
Surrounded by all them good -looking women,
80, he can't do nothing, you know.
Gb
He's like a little kid at Disney World,
Ab
too little to go on a really good ride.
Do know what I mean?
He tries to hop on them supermodels.
He ends up getting real dizzy
and has to sit on the edge of the bed the whole night, you know,
eating crackers and drinking 7 -Up.
My buddy's like, he's on Viagra,
but a lot of good Viagra does.
If you sleep through the
whole boner,
you're 83 years old, for God's sake.
Now, don't know if it's true or not,
but I was reading somewhere,
it said that Viagra's one of the side effects
is it makes some folks go blind.
How big are these things getting,
poking people's eyeballs out
with wieners in this country?
Unbelievable.
I don't use Viagra, knock on wood,
all right,
I don't use Viagra,
that's right.
If I got trouble in that department,
I'll just push start it. But they say Viagra's in some money trouble,
I don't know if they is or not,
but I can see why.
Gb
Who the hell wants to buy
Db
Viagra?
Ab
It's embarrassing, good lord.
That's why I say they want
to pick up sales,
sell it at the Home Depot,
call it wood preservative.
All right, that's what you do.
I'd watch in a TV commercial,
Eb
they had some on there,
Ab
Cialis,
give you a seven hour boner.
Good Lord, what are you going to do
the other six hours and 56
minutes? right.
Seven hours,
what you going to take that thing,
fishing or something, you know what I
mean?
Yeah, it's the original Pucket
Fisherman right there.
That's what I've got.
Whoa, yeah.
I'm gonna cast out
and get a big red snapper on that
dude.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Give me a pill,
Ab
give me a four minute boner.
That's all I need.
The rest is just kind of a nuisance
if you ask me.
You walking around town,
look like you smuggled a Chico stick
Ab
in your pants out of the Walgreens.
I was in Las Vegas.
we stayed at the Hooters Casino
and went to the Hooters
and boy, a dealer flopped
Cb
when we were over there
and my buddy went all in.
I didn't know what happened.
I was playing the slut machine all night,
so I don't know what happened.
None of them had cherries,
but here's what I want to say
to you.
Here's what I want to say.
I like Las Vegas, I do.
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