Fellas, Bob Hope!
Thank you.
How do you do, fellas?
This is Bob, Command Performance Hope,
telling you guys whether you're
married or single,
the Army is the only place
where you can get breakfast on
a shingle.
That's a little inside stuff, hmm.
Well, I feel great tonight.
I've just returned from
playing
the San Diego Naval Base.
I went into a hotel in San Diego
and I said to the clerk,
what are the rates?
He said, it's a dollar and a half
if you sleep on your side,
we can get more people in that way.
Give you an idea how crowded that hotel is,
a major and a private
got in a crowded elevator together.
By the time the sleuthing was over,
they were wearing
each other's uniforms.
That hotel lobby
was so jammed with women,
I had to pinch my leg three times
to find out if it was my own.
My case comes up tomorrow.
Still, there aren't enough girls
to go around.
I know one girl who has three
fellas.
She goes out with a lieutenant at nine,
a captain at ten,
and a colonel at eleven.
Every Saturday,
the three of them meet
and synchronize their watches.
The place is just jammed
with men and women in the service.
I saw a lot of pretty waves there.
You know what a wave is.
That's a sailor who says no.
I saw one sailor looking
at a picture of Betty Grable.
I said, hasn't she got a beautiful face?
He said, don't rush me. I'll get there.
But the food problem down there is really
serious.
To get a plate of soup
you have to have a priority,
to get a ham sandwich
you have to have a drag with a war production board,
and to get a glass of milk
you have to have a pull with a cow.
But enough of that, here's the little gal
who's earned a number one priority
in your pinup department,
both in your barracks wall
and in your heart, singing Johnny Mercer's Dixieland Band,
it's Judy Garland.
Thank -
Only thing they needed
was a sack and cornet
An d that's what led to the ruin,
ru in
of the Dixieland band
When the folks would holler
for the maple leaf rag
They would get to jumpin'
but the music would drag
They had to keep him
cause he played so sweet
But they needed someone
who could give him a beat
Someone who jumped
with the rhythm, rhythm
of the Dixieland band
He'd play so sweetly
Instead of playing
He'd play so sweetly
Sure enough,
got them so they couldn't play right
Finally, he fixed them
on a Saturday night
He hit a note that was off the chord
Apoplexy got them and
they went to Deloitte
And that's the pitiful story,
story
of the Dixieland Band
Now they're up in heaven
and they're happy at last
Cause they found a trumpet man
who really can blast
The way he swings them is an awful shame
He can really do it, Gabriel is his name
And now, folks, here is a sample
Listen to the Dixieland Band
If you hear a trumpet start to play
Don't you be afraid,
it's the judgment day