Tom: G minor
Verse 1
Em
Alright, hey, hey listen
Before we go on to the next song
I got a really important piece of business
I've gotta take care of
Now, there's this guy
B
Em
That uh, works for us, he sells the T- shirts
B
Em
His name is David Dikowitz
Verse 2
Em
B
Now, some of you might know David
B
You realize that David is
A
Em
He hasn't been pooched in three days
B
Em
His nectar has built up, so to speak
And he asked me
If I could help him get a girl tonight
Verse 3
Em
Now, normally I don't do this because
D
Em
But in Dikowitz's case
This is taking it above and
beyond the call of duty
As they say in the trade
Verse 4
Em
Bm
So here, here's the plan
Em
Somewhere out there, I know
Somewhere in this building there is a girl
Or a female type object
A
Em
Who desires the companionship of a nice,
Jewish boy
Bm
Em
Who sells T- shirts
Now, I'm gonna make you
a two for one offer
Here's the deal
Verse 5
Em
If you're a girl and you wanna
Bm
And you wanna submit to
B
Em
Dikowitz's advances
If you'll go for Dikowitz
And you got a friend or sister
That would like to spend some
time with Al Malcon
Verse 6
Em
Who's an a, who's another
B
Em
Bm
Dangerously lonely guy
B
Em
Had a little problem here the other night
I understand, I don't like to be
Bm
spreading gossip around
Verse 7
Em
B
Bm
Al is a very lonely person
Em
And he came here to the
show the other night
With his girlfriend
C
G
D
He introduced me to her in the back
Verse 8
D
They went and they sat in the
Em
audience to see the show
D
She says, excuse me for a minute
Em
I'm go get, gonna go get a drink
D
Em
She disappeared, didn't come back
D
Until five o'clock in the morning
Em
Told she was drunk said:
Verse 9
Bm
Em
In an exorcist voice
And told him to move out
Now, we got these two
D
Em
Very nice people who need it
G
Em
Now, as a matter of fact
Verse 10
Can we get a spotlight down here?
D
Em
Just so you see what
the merchandise is like
B
Em
A
This is David Dikowitz, right here
Em
D
Em
Now, obviously, he is nice
He is Jewish and he is a boy, right?
A
Em
So,
Verse 11
you see what you're in for
If you want, if you wanna
Em
Just come down and introduce yourself
Verse 12
Em
Congratulations,
Bm
Em
what's your name?
Bm
Karen
Em
Karen?
Bm
Em
I now pronounce you, David an d Karen
G#
B
Em
D
A
Em
Verse 13
A
Em
G
Em
Alright
Now, that's what I like about New York
D
Em
Ah, now where's Malcon?
Bm
Em
If we can do the same thing
for Malcon
We'll really be doing it
Verse 14
Where is he?
Em
Maybe we'll find him later
Okay but where?
Interlude 1
Al, come here
Em
B
Em
Bm
Em
Verse 15
This is my friend, Al Malcon
He's also a very nice person
Would you like to give a
sales pitch yourself?
Verse 16
I don't know if there's
anybody really cute
D
Em
You know, and I stay away from
You know, young girls
G
Anybody about 18 or close, you know
Em
F#m
D
Verse 17
A
Em
He wants a virgin with nice breath
Bm
Em
Yeah, vir gin would be
Em
Right there, you (almost there)
A volunteer right there
G
Where?
Em
No, no, oh, she's go ing
No, no, don't touch me
No, get away, no
Verse 18
G
What?
What's your name?
Lisa
Interlude 2
Em
Bm
Em
Verse 19
(It's happening)
It's happening to you
She has no idea what's going to
be happening to her
Verse 20
Em
Chris, tell him to come over here
Tell him to come over here?
C'mere
Verse 21
Em
What's your name? Chris
Well, let the audience see you,
c'mon
Verse 22
Oh my god
Em
B
Now, isn't this better than com
Em
Bm
puter dating?
Em
Em
Why don't you guys go over there
and get acquainted?
Okay, on with the show
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