Tom: A minor•
Verse 1
I'm going to show you:
A) How to con someone using
their own greed,
B) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway,
and
Verse 2
C) TAKING THEIR MONEY!
Am
As I have come to realise,
F
Am
running the beats is just getting people's confidence.
This scam only works 'cos that man
thinks he's working this scam
And that you man off his mark
Am
let's call your mate Piers
No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar
Verse 3
Am
E
Anyway get Farquhar to crawl
Em
Am
in to a bar with his dog
C
Like I said, the barman will try
But you're gonna take all his money.
E
Anyway, get Farquhar to pass
And call to the bar to look
after a dog for a dart
E
Just for 20 quid for a while,
Am
claiming that he hated it
C
Am
But it was worth more than his car
Verse 4
Am
Em
This, by the way,
Am
requires that you find and supply Farquhar
With an animal, and a life,
from your local park.
E
Em
Get a nice dog that doesn't bark
Am
C
But not so nice that someone might
Am
miss this mutt from the park
Em
E
Anyway, using this technique you're gon
Am
na take all this man's money
But you're not gonna care,
cos he's gonna fucking deserve it
Verse 5
Am
You'll never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't
drag down (Exactly!)
Con- do- lee get conned
F
Am
G
When they think they're the cunning
Am
one (It's all one big con)
Verse 6
Am
G
Neighbour you won't con
Now listen, get Farquhar
Em
E
to dart out the bar
Am
C
And just shop for some garm's, maybe
Am
Just to pass an hour or so
E
Em
I would go shopping cos'
But whatever,
Verse 7
just have Farquhar down the road
Am
E
Now you walk in the bar,
C
Order a jar, when you've caught
Am
him slouched on his own
E
Start eyeing the dog that he's
Currently vibe him and start on
Verse 8
about the dog you own.
Am
E
Start asking the barman,
Am
if it's his fine specimen of a dog
Am
look interested and cool
E
When he tells you it's someone
Am
else's you've just left previous
Tell him, 'This is a very
rare breed of animal.'
E
Am
Last time I lied my manager swiped me
C
But lie, and tell him it's like a fucking
Am
Red- Eared Hunting Spaniel.
E
Am
Tell him it's worth 600 quid an d you would pay
handsomely if you were to accept finance
At all
Verse 9
Am
You'll never con an Honest John
(Sometimes...)
An Honest John you can't drag down (...Sometimes I think
I should just go completely...)
Condolee get conned
F
G
When they think they're
G
Am
G
Am
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John (Keep listening though,
it's important that
Verse 10
You keep listening...)
Am
E
Now take all his shopping off him
Am
Get your mate Farquhar to pop in
Looking straight gutted a bit later on
E
Am
He should order a jar, talk at the bar
Ensure he looks calm,
warm with the barman
And generally start conversating on.
Verse 11
falling apart
Am
C
About how he's arsed up some chance
Am
And how arsed up his day was.
E
Or in the event, the spread betting he's
Am
getting ready to ac cept
That his rent's not getting payed up.
E
The barmans mind will chime
Verse 12
E
Am
as his mind is making sums.
And that this mutt is not
the greatest of his worries.
Verse 13
Am
E
And like 'ching!', the barman
Am
will five out of six times
C
Kindly offer his greed to buy the
Am
dog for a price of 300 quid
E
And af ter some bartering,
Am
your barman will haggle and charge harder
In greed of the scent of the scheme in his head. (That's right,
neighbour!)
Verse 14
Am
You'll never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't
drag down
Condolee get conned
When they think they're the
Am
(The barman, is gonna see how much
he can stitch you up for.)
Neighbour you won't con
Am
G
Am
(How does that work? Cos' everytime
it's based around someone who thinks they're
Conning you.)
Verse 15
E
Am
They'll never imagine the whole
C
Am
scenario is prepared solely for him
Why should he?
That sort of paranoia can get
E
Am
you in the loony bin!
As I have come to realise,
E
F
Am
C
running the beats is just getting people's confidence.
Am
AND THAN TAKING THEIR MONEY!
E
Am
It's all one big con .
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