Tom: Ab major
Verse 1
G
It's great to be an expectant
father.
F#
And I want to pass some things on to
G
some of you guys,
if you don't have children already.
A woman really gets irritable when
she's expecting
because of the simple fact that everything's been,
she feels everything's been dropped right on her,
you see.
Now the man was just as much,
you know, the fault as to what has happened,
but nothing happens to him, you know.
G
And the woman starts to get ugly.
Like, so ugly.
Bleh.
And you know, the husband
doesn't help anyone.
says, hey, look at what I did.
Look at that,
Charlie.
How about that?
Look at how good
he's there.
How about that?
How about me?
I'm a man.
Bleh.
So that's why when the husband says,
hello, dear.
Don't you dare get out of here.
What you writing about?
Well, I'm going to have about 30
kids.
Em
My wife can't do a thing
about it because she's
G
Catholic.
If she refuses me, I take her right to the
Pope.
Pope says, you gotta do it.
You don't want to float around for the rest of whatever,
do you?
She's got it, man.
It's
Greek.
Marry a
Catholic.
She's beautiful.
But anyway,
you've got to sympathize with your wife.
if you've got to identify with
C
F
what's going on.
First thing I get up in the morning, I throw
up.
That's right.
And I sleep a lot.
I wear suits that are too big for me, you know.
I wear low heel shoes and I walk
like this, you know.
Bb
And I cry a lot, you know.
G
But I'm copping out the last month.
Ain't nobody getting me in that
I tell you that.
C
F
I don't care what goes on.
G
but let's talk about the baby for a second now I've
got to sympathize with
the kid you know the woman's the woman is really you
G
and everything but you know that kid
man is in a little room and it's humid in
there you know and that's nine months
man that's a long time and I think it
would benefit both the parents and the child
if we could work on something that
that would shorten it.
The duration, that's what I'm talking about.
I sent a letter to the
Polaroid camera people,
and I asked them to work on it, you know.
Em
G
I think 30 years from now, they'll come
up with something.
You kiss your wife, wait 10 seconds,
phew, you got a kiss, you know.
You like it?
Well, he's a little out of focus,
you know.
Kiss again, that's all, phew,
you got another one.
If you like that one,
you gotta dip him in the lacquer, see?
If you don't dip the kid in the lacquer, he'll
fade on you.
Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy,
mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.
But the whole thing is just that
the baby's right there
and I know he must get tired.
They've got to get tired,
because it's a little place, man.
Nothing to do in there, you know.
Not a thing, man.
You know, that's why the last couple
of weeks
they go crazy and start punching.
G
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
C
G
and writing his name on the wall,
G
you know, stuff like that.
G
I tried to get my wife to swallow a ball so he'd have
something to play with, you know.
G
I would bounce it around, you know.
The only interesting thing that ever happens to that
kid is when the food comes down,
through the tube,
you know, he can see that.
Oh, that's nice, I like that, that's new.
Hey, get them brussel sprouts out of here.
All right, thank you.
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