Tom: E minor•
Intro 1
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F
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Verse 1
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Funeral Directors of America,
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I am very deeply honored standing here
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Em
Receiving this token of your esteem,
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the Funeral Director of the Year.
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Now I've been asked by all
the delegates
and members of the board
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to tell you of the funeral
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that won me this award.
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It was handled with taste and dignity.
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E
That much I can say for it,
and I'm sure it will take the family
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twenty years to pay for it.
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It was a hell of a funeral,
it was a hell of a funeral,
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the finest funeral ever booked.
I had some high school juniors
who passed around for two years,
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and fillies everywhere you looked.
It was a hell of a funeral,
I say one hell of a funeral,
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oh how I wish that you were there.
I had tender majorettes
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E
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duffling on the castanets,
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it really was a lively affair,
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it really was a lively affair.
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It was a hell of a funeral,
it was a hell of a funeral
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The National Guard showed up for me
And during the oration
they went into formation
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And formed the letters R .I .P.
It was a hell of a funeral,
I say one hell of a funeral
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I gave it all my love and care
The band was on its toes
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C#m
playing Mexicali rows
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It really was a lively affair
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E
It really was a lively affair
A -tisket, a -tasket,
tell us about the casket.
I will tell you about the casket,
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it would make your poor eyes pop.
It was sterling silver all around,
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with a real form like a top.
Form like a top,
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it had a form like a top.
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Well, I'll tell you about the widow,
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my good friends.
with a gown designed by Balenciaga.
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I supplied that too.
He sold the widow,
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I ran the first funeral raffle,
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though I don't much like to boast.
And I gave away a Chevrolet
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to the per son who cried the most.
He gave away a brand new Chevrolet,
the one of myself.
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D
There were eighteen jugglers
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to demonstrate their art,
and when they was done
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to let the hootenanny start.
He fired a gun
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and the hootenanny begun.
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I was serving beer and pretzels
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till the hot pastrami came,
and I sold some souvenir hankies
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with the Deer Departed's name.
He was selling hankies
with the Deer Departed's name.
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As a fitting finale
we had the Rockettes
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from New York's Music Hall,
As you can see, my very good friends,
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All in all, all in all, all in all, all in all,
I say one hell of a funeral,
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No other burial could compare.
It was all an upty lux,
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And I made forty thousand bucks,
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It really was a lively affair,
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It really was a swingin' affair.
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