Funeral Directors of America,
I am very deeply honored standing here
Receiving this token of your esteem,
the Funeral Director of the Year.
Now I've been asked by all
the delegates
and members of the board
to tell you of the funeral
that won me this award.
It was handled with taste and dignity.
That much I can say for it,
and I'm sure it will take the family
twenty years to pay for it.
It was a hell of a funeral,
it was a hell of a funeral,
the finest funeral ever booked.
I had some high school juniors
who passed around for two years,
and fillies everywhere you looked.
It was a hell of a funeral,
I say one hell of a funeral,
oh how I wish that you were there.
I had tender majorettes
duffling on the castanets,
it really was a lively affair,
it really was a lively affair.
It was a hell of a funeral,
it was a hell of a funeral
The National Guard showed up for me
And during the oration
they went into formation
And formed the letters R .I .P.
It was a hell of a funeral,
I say one hell of a funeral
I gave it all my love and care
The band was on its toes
playing Mexicali rows
It really was a lively affair
It really was a lively affair
A -tisket, a -tasket,
tell us about the casket.
I will tell you about the casket,
my good friends,
it would make your poor eyes pop.
It was sterling silver all around,
with a real form like a top.
Form like a top,
it had a form like a top.
Well, I'll tell you about the widow,
my good friends.
A widow was a navy blue,
with a gown designed by Balenciaga.
I supplied that too.
He sold the widow,
widow weeds too.
I ran the first funeral raffle,
though I don't much like to boast.
And I gave away a Chevrolet
to the per son who cried the most.
He gave away a brand new Chevrolet,
the one of myself.
There were eighteen jugglers
by the grave
to demonstrate their art,
and when they was done
they fired a gun
to let the hootenanny start.
He fired a gun
and the hootenanny begun.
I was serving beer and pretzels
till the hot pastrami came,
and I sold some souvenir hankies
with the Deer Departed's name.
He was selling hankies
with the Deer Departed's name.
As a fitting finale
we had the Rockettes
from New York's Music Hall,
As you can see, my very good friends,
All in all, all in all, all in all, all in all,
was a hell of a funeral,
I say one hell of a funeral,
No other burial could compare.
It was all an upty lux,
And I made forty thousand bucks,
It really was a lively affair,
It really was a swingin' affair.
you