Tom: Ab major
Verse 1
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This is the story of Hamlet,
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William Shakespeare's most notable play.
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dignified work of art.
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But for you, Tom,
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I guess I ought to tell it this way.
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But this time,
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it's gonna be a little different.
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Hamlet was a prince
of a spot called Denmark.
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They called it Elsinore
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You never saw such a frantic man
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And like a hole in the head
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Denmark needed this prince
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We've been stuck with him since
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When the castle was dark
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and spooky
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There was a kooky commotion
A ghost
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He said, son, you're a sap
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You're getting it in the rear
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So he bumped off his uncle,
and he Mickey -bent his mother,
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and he drove his girl to suicide
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and stabbed her big brother
Cause he didn't want nobody else
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Don't know what you live
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He was what you might call
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uncooperative
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Uncooperative
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Now Hamlet had a lady friend
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named Ophelia
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She was a cool put -together mouse
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But Hamlet, he thought,
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she was from Uglyville
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She was a real bow -wow
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So he chopped down her father
just to teach the girl a lesson
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Yes, he cut him up in slices
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like a pound of del icatessen
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Because murder was one thing
Hamlet sure did enjoy
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Sure did enjoy
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He was, how shall I say,
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quite the mischievous boy
Quite the mischievous boy
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Hamlet!
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He's the lad who had him on fixation
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Hamlet!
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He's the cat who wants
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to lead the nation
Hamlet!
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You gotta watch his temper
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when he's in his mood swing
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overcome with such grief and sorrow
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She went and flipped a lid
She popped a cork
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That her intelligent mind
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De veloped a permanent crack
Things went black
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Ophelia had a six -and -a
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-half -foot brother
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It was the fair -haired Laertes
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He thought that Hamlet had been
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a trifle too im polite
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You've got to treat a girl right
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So it was in the third act
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he challenged him to a fight
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So it was doggie, doggie,
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dog in Denmark
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Yes, it was dog gie,
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doggie, dog in Denmark
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Until the king an d the queen
arrived on the scene
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It still might have been okay
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But when he started to chop,
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he just couldn't stop
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He kinda got swept away
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To kill or not to kill
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Ham let was quite the pill
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It gave him such a thrill
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But who's left to read the will?
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The name of this om
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elet
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Is Hamlet
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You can call him Hamlet.
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He's not worth a damn bit.
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The serial killer,
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Hamlet!
Thank you!
Oh, don't you just know Frank Lesser is rolling
around in his grave right now?
Now, I know that I look
like a sophisticated young woman
of the world up here before you tonight.
But to the truth be known,
I do come from a small East Texas town
known as Livingston,
a hellhole not to be believed.
Livingston is the kind of town
where they think that Ruda Lee is a big,
Need I say more?
Ruda, are you here?
Hi, honey.
She uses my name for the same joke.
So anyway, I come from this whole
southern gothic family situation
from which I call many
of my stories.
For example,
my grandfather's spinster sister
was named Ethel,
but everybody in the family
called her Aunt Bubble.
Now, when I was a kid, I thought that was really neat,
but I didn't have any idea why.
So I asked my granddaddy,
and he said,
because she walks
around in a bubble.
And I'm like,
you mean like Glinda the Good?
It's because she never allows
anything to touch her.
And I was just a kid, and I didn't get that,
but as I get older,
I find myself thinking
about that all the time.
And I wonder what it must have been like
to live her entire life in a bubble.
And I think we all know somebody like that.
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